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Walking to work today had me thinking about an old coworker, Carol. At least, I think her name was Carol. We worked at Half Price together and started on the same day. Our boss has hired 3 people at the same time, me, Carol, and another girl who is a long story in and of herself. Carol and I hit it off almost immediately. She was nerdy, and I’ve been known to have my, er, nerdy moments. She was older, but I couldn’t tell by how much. If I were to wager, I’d say late 20’s, though she insisted she was way beyond my years. I told her about my ambitions of being a writer one day and her ears perked up. Apparently Carol published a small Science Fiction compilation every year and sold the copies for charity. She needed a copy editor/bitch and I so desperately needed some hope beyond a bookstore job.

She gave me an email account on her domain and set me up with little easy duties at 11 dollars an hour. I met her at her nice condo where she parked her nice PT Cruiser and she showed me the small things I needed to do to earn my keep. I was living on $7 an hour, and so I fudged the time I spent on her project, but she had the money and seemed more than happy to have the help. Soon enough we were meeting for coffee frequently outside of work and she told me of her mother who lived in New York and had property she was selling in the city. She said that she would be able to have some of the earnings and daydreamed of opening a writer’s commune somewhere in the northeast and she wanted me to come. I was thrilled, as I often am by empty promises, and we exchanged real estate listings with one another. We stumbled upon a listing of an old church that was for sale and swooned over the possibilities. All of the excitement, as well as the job duties, quickly died down when she was fired from the bookstore just a month after she had started. She and I kept in touch through email for several months afterwards but that also faded away. Rumors started that she was fired because she refused to take the trash out, of which I’m still questioning the truth.

I still have a VHS she gave me of the French and Saunders Lord of the Rings special that she had taped. She had good taste, though Sci Fi novels still aren’t much of my thing.

I think I’ll always be the girl who gets easily excited by possibilities. If a person says, “Let’s run away to Canada!” I’ll start looking for apartments and booking flights. I’ve been contacted numerous times by many different people asking me to share my creative abilities, which makes me positively giddy, but then the excitement dies down when I realize it’s all just a front, and they really don’t have any intentions beyond getting my hopes up. Last year around this time I was contacted by BBC radio asking for an interview about my Michael Palin website I made *mumblemumble* 10 years ago. I've been contacted by local magazines and people who want to start projets with me, all with disappointment which is possibly my fault. My ultimate goal would be to sell myself instead of a buyer coming to me, but that involves more work and letdowns than I think I can allow myself to go through. I’m not special. I’m not gifted. I’m just a girl who types fast and likes expletives a little too much for comfort.

I’m working the front counter all morning since my coworker (the one I’m friends with) is sick today. This means that I’ll either be extremely busy or ridiculously bored. My 4 (4? Really?) year anniversary with this here livejournal is coming up on the 10th. I might spend my morning searching through old entries and laughing at my old self. I think my old self would laugh at my new self, too. I'm more jaded but I'm a helluva lot more fun now, too. And cranky, though I was probably pretty damned cranky back then as well.

Oh, one more morning rant before I let you drink your coffee and bang your head on your desk... I've found that comfort has led me to bitch-default most of the time and I don't like it. I just replied to an email where I could have been damn-well bitchy as hell but I decided to be nice and apologetic instead. The bitchy wouldn't have been warranted, but it would have made me feel good about being right for a few minutes. I don't like that. I need to be a lot more kind if I'm going to get anywhere in this world, so another goal amongst my long list of goals is to not be such a raging cunt. The end.

Edit: Not the end. It's still a happy birthday to an awesome roommate and an awesome ex. AND: Consumables for today are lemon-pepper tuna, string cheese, strawberry uncrustables and DIET ROCKSTAR. I *am* a diet rockstar. I am rockstar lite.


( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
Jul. 5th, 2006 02:46 pm (UTC)
Isn't sparks alcoholic? I don't get sparks. Sparks is the bastard child of my beloved two-buck-chuck.


Okay, saturday I'm going to buy each of us a diet rockstar. Bring your bigass sunglasses and we're going to get our picture taken together with diet rockstars because we rock. Mkay? and I'll use it as my MySpace pic 'cause I'm cool like that. And you don't have to drink it if you don't want to, it's all marketing.
(Deleted comment)
Jul. 5th, 2006 02:58 pm (UTC)
Hellz YEAH!
That's swatimsayin.This will be classic.

I guess I'll try sparks. I like jagerbombs (er, blasters as they're called in Denton), so might as well see what sparks does for me. I get drunk REALLY fast, as in, 2 drinks... so maybe it will allow me to drink a little more.
(Deleted comment)
Jul. 5th, 2006 03:05 pm (UTC)
Shot of Jager.
Red Bull in glass.
Drop shot of Jager in red bull.

It's glamorous in it's own little way.

I have... paint! I could go get some friendship bracelet artsy stuff, though! I'll run by Hobby Lobby later this week. I gotta get some alkie for the party anyway (I haven't even communicated with miss Crystal about any of this yet, but I will!)

You want socially awkward? You haven't met me yet. The things that come out of my mouth in large groups is worth charging an admission for, believe you me.
Jul. 5th, 2006 03:05 pm (UTC)
thank you thank you!
I like Rockstar, but I am not sure about diet energy drinks cause i had one and it tasted like ASS. Not a great ass like yours either, a nasty ass like.... well an ass that is nasty.

See you tonight! I think Matthew and I are going to get sushi. You should come with us!
Jul. 5th, 2006 03:06 pm (UTC)
Ooh! Whens and Whaars?
Lemme know. I'll be home same bat time, same bat place.
Jul. 5th, 2006 03:15 pm (UTC)
As far as time goes, I'm not sure cause it depends on when he gets home from work. He was a bad boy this morning, and despite setting the alarm (and it going off) at 6:50am, he stayed in bed till 9am (even through me saying what time it was every 30min).

But more than likely, it will be Mikado, right down the street.
Jul. 5th, 2006 03:16 pm (UTC)
I'll either see you when you get home or you should call me! Matthew doesn't mind if I come, right? I don't wanna be all up in his kool-aid.
Jul. 5th, 2006 03:24 pm (UTC)
I'm home all day today. I ain't gettin hung up on, on my birthday!

But I don't think Matthew will mind dinner. Now if you tried to come to his apartment with us..... :P
Jul. 5th, 2006 03:25 pm (UTC)
No, no. I like my room way too much to venture into uncharted territory.

See you when I get home! I'll probably need to shower, though.
Jul. 5th, 2006 03:19 pm (UTC)
I’m not special. I’m not gifted. I’m just a girl who types fast and likes expletives a little too much for comfort.

comfort is highly overrated. but more than anything/anyone, you remind me of dave eggers as he presents himself in a heartbreaking work of staggering genius which i am just now reading for the first time. don't hate me if he turns into a bigger asshole at the end, i'm only halfway through and so that's the part that applies to you in my mind anyhow. i think what i'm trying to say by all that is that he claims to be "nothing special" but he wrote a bestseller and could be considered a serious contender as the voice of my generation--not because he saved the world, but because he told his story in a funny and meaningful way, which is also what i get from you.
Jul. 5th, 2006 03:21 pm (UTC)
My gods, I love Dave Eggers.
That's probably one of the nicest compliments anyone has ever given me.
Jul. 5th, 2006 07:33 pm (UTC)
You have no idea how many times I have seriously considered moving to Canada.

It would give me an entire new country of people to be pissed off at me.
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )


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